drowning [warm-up 2]

trigger warning suicide

I am drowning—
water in my lungs,
a scream on my lips,
and death looming
in the blue-green depths.

it's easy to forget why
this is the solution,
when my feet keep kicking.
I tell them to stop,
but they don't want to die.

it seems pathetic,
that I want to be saved,
rescued from suicide.
I am drowning,
and it is taking too long.

I've thought about this,
for months in fact,
and it took all of three minutes
for my mind to flip-flop
back to a future.

death is smirking, unkind,
not the friend I pictured.
I should have gone with the pills,
or perhaps the gun. but, instead—
blue-green-grey-black.